Wonderful Vices
by Sunshinecackle
Summary: Xigbar had planned for them to have a quiet night at home, but Xemnas had other plans.


**Title:** Wonderful Vices  
**Author:** Donnie  
**Fandom:** Kingdom Hearts  
**Setting:** Xigbar and Xaldin's apartment, The World That Never Was  
**Pairing:** Xigbar/Xaldin, Larxene/Namine  
**Characters:** Xigbar, Xaldin, Larxebe, Namine, Xemnas  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance  
**Rating:** M  
**Chapters:** 1/1  
**Word Count:** 3616  
**Type of Work:** One-Shot, for Xig/Xal Day 2020  
**Status:** Complete  
**Warnings:** Gay, Slash, Yaoi, Xaldin is turned on by aggression, Everyone is sassy, Quick Sex, Rushed Sex, Anal Sex, Arguing, AU - Canon Divergent, Larxene isn't dead yet  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.  
**Summary:** Xigbar had planned for them to have a quiet night at home, but Xemnas had other plans.

**AN:** Soooo, I wanted to write this for Xig/Xal day, and I ended up staring around 7pm on the second so that I could get it done in time. It's finished at 9:50p on the third, but at least it's finished. Also, they never really do get to enjoy anything they planned. This was really just an excuse to write so much sass and I really love this entire fic. It's a gem, if I do say so myself. I hope you guys enjoy!

**Wonderful Vices******

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"So, I was thinking," Xigbar called into the dark intestines of their apartment, reaching underneath the baggy hoodie he wore to scratch at his stomach, "We'd get pizza, put on a movie, and pretend to watch it. What happens next is up to you."

There came no response, naturally, which he'd almost been expecting. Xaldin had never been very good with holding conversations that weren't one-sided on someone's account, but it seemed to be a different kind of silence than usual. You could cut it with a lance, Xigbar mused with a quiet snicker, half expecting one to fly past his head for good measure. It didn't come, but movement out of the scope of his vision had him glancing to the mouth of the hallway. What filled the doorway seconds later had him grinning like a madman and breathless in the same second.

In all of his grumpy glory, Xaldin stood mostly bare save for a pair of painted-on boxers and a shirt demonstrably six sizes too small. It seemed he'd decided to go for broke this evening and try Xigbar's usual shtick of stealing his hoodies; the biggest problem being that Xaldin was a wall of muscle and Xigbar was a bit puny stood beside him. It seemed that an extra-large really _shouldn't_ try to fit into a medium, because not only was the grey, non-descript t-shirt he'd stolen stretched across his chest in the last seconds of its life as a shirt, but it protested loudly with each movement of his arms.

"You uh, misplace somethin', big guy?" Xigbar asked, his voice finally found despite the crack in it. Xaldin shot him a glare that could have frozen Axel's blood, but he was so used to it that it barely seemed to have an effect. In seconds, hands devoid of gloves graced Xaldin's biceps with gentle caresses, petting the straining fabric of the shirt's sleeve absently. "Looks like you uh, were going for 'drop dead gorgeous' instead of 'finally off of work.'"

Seemingly pleased with that answer, Xaldin offered him the sly smile of a pleased cat before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his lover's lips.

"You already took the jacket I was going to wear for our night of ignoring whatever movie you chose." He practically purred, his voice rich and smooth in a way that sent chills bolting down Xigbar's spine, "So I decided to pay you back the… Kindness."

"The kindness of losing a shirt to your rippling musculature? Oh, Xaldin, you shouldn't have." Xigbar chirped playfully, gently batting at his chest, "If you breathe too deeply, I'm gonna be out a shirt."

"Which is why I chose a plain one." Xaldin replied shortly, rich purple eyes deflecting to the floor for a second, "You're impossibly tiny for someone that can handle me."

"Well, I apologize for not being born like a brick shithouse, but I think you prefer me over Lexaeus for a reason." Xigbar smirked, dragging his hand over the taut fabric of Xaldin's chest, giving it a slight pluck before turning on his heels, "Just wait until you see the movie I picked. Go order pizza, it's a surprise."

"I swear, if it's Sharknado, _again_," Xaldin trailed off, narrowing his eyes as he escaped to the kitchen for his phone, snatching it off the counter to put in their usual orders. Pineapple, pepperoni, mushroom and olive for Xigbar, and spinach, onion, and chicken barbecue for himself; they could never agree that pineapple just didn't _belong_ in savory settings.

Xigbar, meanwhile, made himself comfortable on the couch as the opening credits played on the TV. Already, he wasn't paying much attention, waiting with a grin on his lips for Xaldin to find that he had not only chosen Sharknado Two: The Second One, but also that he'd decided to peel off his pants. Boxers for boxer briefs, he figured, was the best way to go tonight. It wasn't like Xaldin was going to keep his shirt on indefinitely; that thing was already ready to bust off of him should he so much as sneeze.

Gracing the living room with his presence, Xaldin's nose scrunched up as Sharknado Two appeared on the screen across from his grinning manchild. He crossed his arms, opening his mouth to speak, but Xigbar's raised hand halted his words.

"You said _Sharknado_, and this is _clearly_ the second one, babe. No need to get pointlessly pedantic, right, Zexion?" He teased, giving an exaggerated wink. Xaldin was tempted to simply call it a blink if only to spite him.

"These movies are pointless."

"True, but the point of it being on in the first place is to ignore it." Xigbar replied nonchalantly, shrugging as he leaned back into the couch, "Come sit, take a load off and lay it on me, yeah?"

Grumbling something under his breath, Xaldin skated around the coffee table Xigbar's feet were already taking up residence on, crashing into the couch beside him on his side. Intense purple eyes watched him for a second, waited for him to hit 'play', before they fluttered closed too close to Xigbar's face. Lips pressed to his, and for a split second, the world behind them melted away into nothing. Even the first few scenes of Sharknado were a pleasant, unheard hum in his ears as he shifted and found himself caging his lover into the couch with every ounce of power his body held; Xaldin found himself surprised at how easy it was to ignore.

It was the knock on the door telling them their pizzas had arrived that had him breaking the kiss with a growl, eyes narrowed and a snarl on his lips. Rising, he grabbed Xigbar's wallet off of the table by the front door and swiped a couple of bills, nearly punching the poor delivery guy's face with his fistful of cash when he opened the door. Snatching up their dinner, he muttered a quick 'keep the change' before the door slammed shut. In a flurry of movement, the poor pizza guy stood in shocked silence as he stared at the closed white door in front of him. Thankfully, he took the hint and got the hell out of dodge before Xaldin had to open the door again.

"Terrifying the poor guy, again, really?" Xigbar teased goodnaturedly, grinning from ear to ear as Xaldin deposited the pizzas on the table and crawled back into his chilling seat to warm it up again.

"He interrupted us."

"We started too early."

"You hit 'play'."

"Touche."

Instead of accepting _all_ the blame, however, Xigbar leaned in to capture his lips at the same times his hands cupped firm asscheeks to pull him down tighter on top of him. He swore he heard a couple of stitches pop when Xaldin tensed in his arms, but he couldn't even care. If he shredded the thing by flexing, it would honestly be the hottest thing he had seen all day, and he'd had to go to Atlantica with Demyx.

Settling back in above the other, Xaldin rolled his hips down a few times in an expert move that left Xigbar's mouth hanging open while he plundered it. His own hands remained fisted against Xigbar's chest, but not for long as they trailed down to the hem of his hoodie, both of them diving under the fabric to push it up over his pecs. One thumb brushed over a nipple and Xigbar practically crooned, only earning another rock of Xaldin's hips, leading him to gasp into his mouth.

Somewhere behind them, Xaldin's phone began to buzz, shocking itself off the table to skitter across the floor. When it finally stopped, Xaldin pulled back to pant above his lover, eyeing him up with pupils blown wide. It started up again and made him snarl, throwing it a pitiful glare over his shoulder.

"He _can't_ be serious." Xaldin snapped, only getting his cheek tugged by Xigbar's hand, another kiss to his frowning lips as he tried to come up with a good excuse to ignore it. Instead of speaking, he simply jerked his hips up.

"If it's important, he'll leave a voicemail."

"I can't tell if that's the best or worst idea I've heard today," Xaldin replied, an anxious lilt to his voice. "Do _you_ want to tell the Superior why we ignored his calls?"

"It probably isn't even _him_," And Xigbar wasn't necessarily wrong, "So we're fine. Just… Ignore it."

Xigbar's phone was the next to light up, blaring Thunderstruck at the top of its little mechanical lungs. Xaldin's scowl turned to the table, watching Larxene's photograph flash over the screen.

"...Naturally." Xigbar offered with a grin, "Tell me it's not perfect for her. But that also means it's not the Superior." Wiggling his eyebrows with another grin, he playfully slapped Xaldin's ass, delighting in the tense line his back made with the movement, "So we can ignore the little lightning bug and keep going."

"Does she usually call you if it doesn't pertain to work?"

Xigbar rolled his eyes, letting his head fall back against the couch, "Not really, I'm not her kind of dude. But do you really think Xemnas would send _Larxene_ to do _his_ job?"

"I supposed I'd expect a call from Saix, first," Xaldin replied, sitting down a little tighter against the bulge in Xigbar's boxer briefs. The keening whine that left the other man didn't seem to phase him as he sighed, "But if she's calling, it must be important."

"Or," Xigbar pointed at him, wagging his finger, "Or. Or, she's just trying to bug us. She has a pretty good track record of ruining good things."

"But she's also likely not to leave us alone, regardless of the importance of her message." Xaldin huffed, crossing his arms as he watched the light fade from the screen.

"It's probably just some kid stuff, yanno? She'll answer the phone and say 'hi' and then just hang up because she hates when other people are having fun." Much like the man currently crushing his pelvis with the weight of a promise of sexual adventure, "So, we could always, you know, _ignore her._"

"But what if-"

"_As_ if. She's probably just trying to bug us because I let it slip that we might get some time alone tonight. Come on, Xaldin, back to bed."

"But we aren't in-"

Taking hold of Xaldin's hips once more, he rolled up into him hard enough to earn a soft moan from the taller man, he smirked.

"Back to the right mindset, yeah?"

"I… Suppose." Xaldin spared one more glance at the phone before another jerk beneath him claimed his attention, and with deadly precision, he locked his teeth over Xigbar's jugular and bit down. A wheeze left the smaller man, punctuated by another roll of his hips. Just about ready to sink into the routine of Sunday night sex with Sharknado in the background, Xaldin was ready to unwind when an impatient, droning knock sounded at the front door.

"For Hearts' sake." Xaldin snapped, exasperated, as he raised his head, a tethering of saliva holding his lips to Xigbar's neck, "If this is just because she wants to ruin our night-"

"It's probably unwise to leave her waiting, love," Xigbar muttered, just as Larxene's voice pierced the silence outside of their apartment.

"Hey, losers!" Her voice was sharp, commanding instead of mocking for once, "I know you're in there, open up! His Highness requires your immediate attention."

Xaldin was up lightning-fast, stalking to the door and adjusting himself in his boxers on the way. Nearly yanking it off the hinges, his look was feral when he narrowed his eyes at Larxene and Namine standing blithely in the doorway. The second she saw him, Namine turned shy, moving so that Larxene was the only thing standing between her and the certain doom written into Xaldin's brow.

Bristled, Larxene stood in the face of his deadpan 'what' with a smirk on her lips that told him there would be Hell to pay if he didn't change his demeanor. Not that Xaldin would change for anyone, any way, at any time, and Xigbar was smart enough to know that, swooping in to save the world from ending.

"What he means is, sunshine, _which_ His Highness? If you're here for Marluxia-"

"I'm not, I assure you." Larxene bit out, her eyes still locked with Xaldin's as if waiting for him to back down from her challenge. Xigbar quickly placed a hand on his chest to try and avert disaster when she simply took a step closer. They were seconds away from a showdown that would level the block, and he had to work quickly. "The Superior himself asked me to tell you two lame-asses to get off the couch and head in to work. He has something fun lined up, I'm sure."

"I detest fun." Xaldin quipped, barely hiding a snarl beneath a thinly veiled attempt at what could only have been a smile.

"That being the case," Xigbar cut in, placing himself between the pair in a last-ditch effort to push Xaldin a little back into the house, "We were kind of in the middle of something. Is it that urgent?"

"Yeah, I think you need to change your gorilla out of his crop top and run off," _With your tails tucked_ went unsaid, "To get your orders." Larxene crossed her arms, and Xaldin mirrored the motion behind Xigbar. What he hadn't quite been expecting was the sudden, nearly echoing _rip_ of the T-shirt trying so desperately to contain his muscles as it gave its death cry.

Snickering behind her hand as a ruse to deflect just how perfect she found that moment, Larxene turned on her heels and ushered Namine along.

"I've said my piece, it's up to you two if you want to get turned into Dusks." She cackled over her shoulder as she pushed Namine a little quicker ahead of her. It wasn't like she was running, not from _Xaldin_, but Namine's fear made her a priority. Plus, the idea of watching Xigbar have to rub off on Xaldin's leg to get him back into the apartment wasn't as interesting as the prospect of comforting the blonde in her arms.

Xigbar had to use more of his body than he'd like to admit to crowd Xaldin back inside, all but putting his entire body behind the final push that shoved him into place.

"Xal, please," Xigbar muttered, placating in its weakest form, "Come on. We can at least get some of that rage out the good ol' fashioned way." He offered, trying on a wicked grin without its bite, "Whaddya say?"

"No." Xaldin snapped back, eyes narrowed and full of fight. Xigbar could see when he was dealing with an 'immovable object' situation, and right now he had to figure out how to get him to blow off some steam. If he was going to put his foot down, then sex really _was_ out of the question, but Xigbar had an inkling that Xaldin just needed to be provided with a good reason to do it.

"You already ripped my shirt, and you can't go to work with a boner." He pointed out, actively pointing to the throbbing problem trapped against Xaldin's thigh. Nobody knew half as much about Xaldin's rage issues as Xigbar did, and if he was already raring to go, a challenge would only make it worse. Xaldin seemed to consider this, staring down at his body with a scowl before grabbing Xigbar under the armpits and carrying him towards the bedroom. "Woah, woah, dude, no. Door's still wide open."

With a heavy sigh, Xaldin set him down in the hallway, stomping back to the front door and slamming it hard enough that the whole apartment seemed to buckle under the force of it. Returning with that same air of pissed off purpose, he resumed carting Xigbar off by his armpits to the bedroom. Tossing him haphazardly onto the bed, Xaldin was on him in a second, caging him in and crushing their mouths together. He didn't seem pleased until he heard the clack of their teeth, finally lowering his hips to meet Xigbar's.

The gasp that earned him was enough to put Xaldin at ease enough to raise his hips again to remove his boxers. Divesting Xigbar of his briefs went just as unceremonious as he tossed them somewhere behind him, leaning on one elbow to reach down and stroke him. Much to his surprise, and pleasure, Xigbar hadn't seemed to have flagged, either. With a swift motion, he had the other positioned at his entrance, prepared to ride him into nonexistence, when Xigbar piped up again, breathless.

"Xal- Lube?" The look that earned him made his grin turn appropriately sheepish, "Please? You'll hurt yourself."

With a frustrated grunt, he reached for the drawer in the bedside table where Xigbar kept them well-stocked for just such an occasion. Grabbing the first bottle he touched, he popped the cap and spread an ungodly amount of liquid onto his fingers. The first round went to Xigbar, who he slicked up rather roughly. Thankfully, the rough treatment didn't earn him any flack, so he continued, a second squeeze to the bottle ending up being pushed up inside of Xaldin. The quick preparation wasn't exactly what Xigbar had been hoping for, but he wasn't exactly complaining when the sudden tightness around his throbbing cock dropped all the way to the base, effectively winding him.

With both hands fisted in his own hoodie on Xigbar's chest, Xaldin set a grueling pace with his hips that left his partner in painful bliss. If nothing else, Xigbar was lucky that he was a masochist, he supposed, or he couldn't handle someone like Xaldin as a partner. His hips rolled and swirled, a shallow but quick rhythm that was sure to bring them both off quickly enough for Xemnas' liking. As much as he didn't like to think of him during sex, he kept their inevitable missions in the back of his mind to remind him why they had to do this quickly.

Xigbar clutched the sheet beneath him like it was the only thing tethering him to this world, moans pouring from his lips to match the heated grunts of the man working him into a frenzy above him. He was already close, thankfully, because after a solid five minutes he was sure Xaldin would get up and deny them both release. As careful as Xaldin was with his rage, he had a tendency to be impatient when he knew he had things to be doing instead.

The hitching of Xaldin's breath told him that it wouldn't be long, now, he was wildly chasing his orgasm down and it would be a quickly won battle at this rate. He was lucky that he was right behind him, to be honest, because he would have been left behind once Xaldin was done in most cases. The veritable roar that left the dreded man pulled a keening moan from Xigbar as they hit their orgasms, one after the other. A second or two was all they had to appreciate the afterglow before Xaldin was moving again, pulling off the ruined shirt and tossing it aside.

Xigbar was left, cold and breathless on the bed, as Xaldin left him to wipe off with a towel he found on the floor. A cursory clean-up was all he afforded himself before he was shimmying into those skin-tight leather pants that Xigbar appreciated any other time and pulling on his coat. When he shot a lukewarm glare at Xigbar, he jerked his head to the side.

"Come on, get dressed. It isn't going to do us any good to keep him waiting any longer." Xigbar could at least appreciate the breathlessness to his voice as he forced himself up and off the bed. With the same towel in hand, he wiped up and paused, looking at the sweat still dripping from Xaldin's brow. He wasn't about to use a cum-covered towel to wipe his face, though, his poor sideburns would catch too much illicit liquid for that. "I'll be fine."

"Gotcha." Xigbar nodded, sliding into his jeans and out of Xaldin's hoodie, only to replace it with a T-shirt emblazoned with 'R For Reload' in bright purple letters. Xaldin rolled his eyes as he opened a portal, stepping through only when he was sure Xigbar, cloaked in black, would follow. Walking into the Superior's favorite lookout in The World That Never Was, Xaldin kept his head down and his hands firmly clasped behind his back. Xigbar was the first to speak, "You wanted to see us?"

"Yes." Xemnas told him, "You both have urgent business. Xaldin, I believe you need to give the Beast an extra push." The silver haired man turned to look at Xigbar, then, "And I think Shan Yu could use a little bit of a… Pep talk." The pair of Nobodies glanced between each other before Xaldin nodded, portaling off for Beast's castle. Xigbar could only imagine the smug look Larxene would have given them if she could have had the chance, waving slightly before disappearing. His last words were 'you be a good boy, now'. Xemnas frowned, but didn't say anymore, hoping that his evening could finally calm down. He had a monologue to prepare for Kingdom Hearts, after all.

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**AN:** Wow I didn't exactly expect this to be so long. I'm kind of proud of myself, to be honest, even if I struggled with how to write their sex scene and keep it quick. I hope you guys enjoyed! I know I sure did.

Prompt: Wearing Each Other's Clothes


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